I have survived another surrender; I have let go once again. I'd like to tell you this one was easy but it was not. What I will tell you, however, is that even in the midst of it I got a glimpse of God's hand and his purpose and his plan and that alone eased the pain.
Paul and I drove 5 hours to bring Patrick (my son) to Central Maine Master's Commission at Calvary Temple in Waterville, ME. I've been dreading today for months. I've fretted and worried about my "baby". Who's going to remind him to pick up his laundry (or to wash it); who will make sure he eats right and watch out for him? These are just a few of the thoughts that would wash over me as I thought about dropping him off and coming home without him. After all I've had him for 18 years. I've laughed at him and with him. I've cried over him and with him. I've picked him up and dusted him off and sent him back into the game. I've watched countless football games through my fingers because I couldn't watch them tackle my boy :) I've pulled homework out from under his bed, his closet and the woods across the street. I've threatened and yelled. I've prayed and prayed and prayed.
A week ago I had a conversation with God which I called my "Abraham Moment" when God clearly spoke to me and said "Give him to me" and I clearly saw myself placing my son in God's hands. You see - he really isn't mine. He was only mine on loan. He's been God's all along. I'd like to say that that just made the whole process of packing and leaving easy..........but it didn't. There were still clothes to wash and pack, closets to empty and memories to walk through but at the end of the day there he was ............ closing the door of his room for the last time; saying good-bye to his dog and walking to the car.
And 5 hours later we were getting out of the van and looking around the place where he would be starting the next chapter of his life. We were laughing and playing games with other parents who were standing right where we were. We were meeting his roommates and wondering how four boys were going to survive in that little room (especially since they will be taking turns cooking and cleaning) and we were unloading the car and leaving for the night. No good-byes yet because we would see him in the morning at church.
And then this morning. I walked into church and he was already there. Hanging out with his new friends. He came over and told us all about his first night in the dorm and he was grinning from ear to ear. This strange place was already becoming his new home. Worship began and we sang a song about surrendering it all & then the pastor shared his heart and vision for the youth before him and preached a sermon called "Ordinary Heroes". This man I barely know is already invested in my son. I watched Pat answer the alter call and watched him receive prayer on the floor at the alter. And through my tears I hugged my son and said good-bye and yet I had to smile because the entire morning had shown me clearly that Pat is exactly where he is supposed to be and there he stood in God's hands.......in Maine.
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