STAND FIRM

1 Chronicles 11:13-14.

He (Eleazar) was with David at Pasdammim. Now there the Phillistines were gathered for battle and there was a piece of ground full of barley. So the people fled from the Phillistines. But they (David & Eleazar) stationed themselves in the middle of that field, defended it and killed the Phillistines. So the LORD brought about a great victory.




Have you ever wanted to throw in the towel, quit or just run away?  That's the valley I've been trudging through for a while now.  I've been torn apart at the thought of leaving some of the ministries I've been involved in for the last several years but at the same time wasn't sure how I could continue on with the way things are.  The only thing that has kept me from just throwin in that towel are the amazing people I serve in those ministries.  My heart is invested.   A dear friend has said the words "Be the Change" to me so many times I feel like it should  be tattoed on my forehead.

Now I'm not talking a few weeks here.  I'm talking month after month after month even though I've taken all the actions that would keep me moving forward - co-leading mission trips, co-leading outreaches in my city, showing up, serving, loving those in front of me.  I've asked God a hundred times "Why do you have me in these ministries, in these places, when you know my heart and my passion and I feel like it's being put out".  You've put big dreams, big plans, in my heart Lord so why am I serving in places where I feel like I'm not being supported, where I feel like I'm all alone out on the front lines with those I serve and even those I serve with and under don't seem to care.

I have cried and repented and begged God to change my heart and my attitude.  I have come face to face with some of my own "ugliness" and have cried out to JESUS that he would simply rip my eyes from those around me and put them back on Him.  I've prayed for eyes ONLY for Him & I've made this my daily prayer.  And yet I keep finding myself in this place & the only thing that keeps me going is the love I have for those these ministries serve.

Something tells me that when David and Eleazar looked around in that barley field and realized everyone else had run away that they felt pretty alone.  Especially as they watched wave after wave after wave of the Philistine army coming over the hill and marching right at them.  I bet they didn't feel particularly supported by those around them or over them.  Something tells me they probably even wondered why God would lead them to this field in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by Philistines and leave them there with dreams unfulfilled.

But they didn't run away with their friends.  They STATIONED THEMSELVES in the middle of the field.  Stationed represents a purposeful act.  They took up positions in that field and purposed to fight no matter what was coming over the hills at them.  Something tells me that at some point they lifted their eyes from the Enemy coming over the hills and raised their eyes to Heaven.  They took their EYES OFF THEIR CIRCUMSTANCES, OFF THEIR ENEMY AND PLACED THEM ON GOD AND GOD  BROUGHT FORTH A VICTORY!

Now I am not pretending to say that those around me in my life are my enemies.  Far from it actually.   They are my friends and I love them.  God has given me a different passion, a different heart than a lot of the people around me.  I believe it's for a reason.  I believe it is because HIS call on my life is different from the call on the lives of a lot of those around me.  I have been called to live a life completely sold out for Jesus Christ.  He has different plans for me and I am fine with that.  That can be a lonely place sometimes.  I bet Jesus was lonely sometimes too.  This I do know though .....if I STAND FIRM right where God has planted me, in the middle of my barley field.........GOD WILL BRING ABOUT THE VICTORY. 

What if all of David and Eleazar's friends had stayed ....... maybe the story would have read differently......David's army defeated the Phillistines.  End of story.  Perhaps it was only because David & his friend Eleazar STATIONED THEMSELVES and STOOD FIRM that God was able to MOVE and receive the Glory for what HE had done.  David and Eleazar STATIONED THEMSELVES purposefully in that field.  They grasped their swords and THEY STOOD FIRM.  Yes they were scared.  Yes they felt alone and abandoned.  They must have wondered why God had brought them to a barley field to die.  But they STOOD FIRM.

This is my prayer.  Father God help me to STAND FIRM in the middle of my BARLEY FIELD just as David and Eleazar did.  Let me STATION myself to be of maximum use to you and to those around me.  Let me not focus today on the approaching enemy but on YOU.  For no army of this world is greater than MY GOD.  LORD I WILL NOT RUN.  MY FEET ARE PLANTED FIRMLY.  PURPOSEFULLY.  I AM STATIONED IN MY FIELD.  I WILL WAIT ON YOU FOR THE VICTORY YOU WILL BRING.  I LOVE YOU MY LORD, MY SAVIOUR, MY FRIEND.







 

The Cross in the Closet

I was sorting through a closet at church the other day looking for a storage bin and tucked away in the dark in the very back of the closet was an old wooden cross.  I pulled it out and carried it into the teen room at church and thought I would put it up on the wall.  After all it was just collecting dust in the closet.  Tonight with a little wire and a lot of help we got the cross hanging on the wall.

My friend Vivian posted this today which made me think about the significance of pulling that cross out of the closet:

S - John 19:39 Nicodemus, who had first come to Jesus at night, came now in broad daylight carrying a mixture of myrrh and aloes, about seventy-five pounds.

O - Nicodemus, along with Joseph of Arimathea, finally decided to honor Jesus in the open, instead of in secret.

A - Do they know that you believe? Are you a secret Christian? There is no shame in believing in Christ and following the one true God and what He has written in His Word. If you are ashamed, then the esteem of man ranks higher with you than your love for the Man who gave His life for you. How sad Nicodemus and Joseph must have been to have seemingly lost one whom they loved so much and yet they never dared to show it. And how bold, after Jesus' death, to finally step out and honor Him.

P - Lord, help me to love and honor the living now so that I have no regrets. And help me to honor You by worshiping and following You openly, without shame, because I love You more than the esteem of man.

Was it a coincidence that I stumbled across an old dusty cross  and a few days later Vivian posted her divine inspiration on John 19:39.  I don't think so.  Consider this cross "out of the closet" forever.  Let's not hide our crosses in the closet but carry them proudly.  After all the one that died on that cross did it for you and for me.  And those secrets, those "crosses" we bear we can pull those out of their closets too because Jesus died to set us free.  The more I share my "secrets" the freer I become and most days I don't need a closet...........cause Jesus has set me free to just be me & this "me" just wants to seek the face of JESUS not in the privacy of my closet but out in public, on the streets, at work, at home and EVERYWHERE.  Can you imagine what our world would look like if we started living for JESUS right out in the open where everyone could see? 

Letting Go

I have survived another surrender; I have let go once again.  I'd like to tell you this one was easy but it was not.  What I will tell you, however, is that even in the midst of it I got a glimpse of God's hand and his purpose and his plan and that alone eased the pain.

Paul and I drove 5 hours to bring Patrick (my son) to Central Maine Master's Commission at Calvary Temple in Waterville, ME.  I've been dreading today for months.  I've fretted and worried about my "baby".  Who's going to remind him to pick up his laundry (or to wash it); who will make sure he eats right and watch out for him?  These are just a few of the thoughts that would wash over me as I thought about dropping him off  and coming home without him.  After all I've had him for 18 years.  I've laughed at him and with him.  I've cried over him and with him.  I've picked him up and dusted him off and sent him back into the game.  I've watched countless football games through my fingers because I couldn't watch them tackle my boy :)  I've pulled homework out from under his bed, his closet and the woods across the street.  I've threatened and yelled.  I've prayed and prayed and prayed.

A week ago I had a conversation with God which I called my "Abraham Moment" when God clearly spoke to me and said "Give him to me" and I clearly saw myself placing my son in God's hands.  You see - he really isn't mine.  He was only mine on loan.  He's been God's all along.  I'd like to say that that just made the whole process of packing and leaving easy..........but it didn't.  There were still clothes to wash and pack, closets to empty and memories to walk through but at the end of the day there he was ............ closing the door of his room for the last time; saying good-bye to his dog and walking to the car.

And 5 hours later we were getting out of the van and looking around the place where he would be starting the next chapter of his life.  We were laughing and playing games with other parents who were standing right where we were.  We were meeting his roommates and wondering how four boys were going to survive in that little room (especially since they will be taking turns cooking and cleaning) and we were unloading the car and leaving for the night.  No good-byes yet because we would see him in the morning at church. 

And then this morning.  I walked into church and he was already there.  Hanging out with his new friends.  He came over and told us all about his first night in the dorm and he was grinning from ear to ear.  This strange place was already becoming his new home.  Worship began and we sang a song about surrendering it all & then the pastor shared his heart and vision for the youth before him and preached a sermon called "Ordinary Heroes".  This man I barely know is already invested in my son.  I watched Pat answer the alter call and watched him receive prayer on the floor at the alter.  And through my tears I hugged my son and said good-bye and yet I had to smile because the entire morning had shown me clearly that Pat is exactly where he is supposed to be and there he stood in God's hands.......in Maine.