I am not the person I want to be. I can still be very judgmental & sometimes I have the meanest thoughts pass through my head about other people. I fall into these "depressions" where I am just overwhelmed with a lot of self-hatred. I know that God has better than this for me. Some days I just can't find my way out. I know where to go for my answers yet when these days come I feel like I'm adrift in a small raft in a very big sea and I can't even do those things I know will help - like pick up my Bible or call someone and share the junk I'm hiding inside of me.
Maybe that's the problem - maybe I'm still too worried about what someone will think if I get real about the stuff in my head (and sometimes my heart). This is what I do know - I'd rather get real about it here on earth and have someone think a little less of me than wait until I stand before God and have to account for it then.
Time to expand my accountability list I guess. That's the first step....admit it. I have a problem. I can't handle it alone. I want to change & I know the source of every change I have ever made in my life. God almighty. Only He has the power to deliver me from this. Thus begins the journey of letting Him.......
Friday, December 31, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
11 Things I used to Do that I want to do again.
1. Go for walks in the woods and just enjoy the beauty all around me.
2. Buy a new bathing suit. The last one I bought was 18 years ago.
3. Run around the block I live on without having to stop.
4. Read 10 books for pleasure - not for a class or to learn or to improve something.
5. Get set free from my addiction to food.
6. Spend more time telling my husband all the things I appreciate about him - build him up.
7. Spend an entire day in my pajamas watching movies and hanging out with my kids.
8. Spend more time alone with God, listening.
9. Get a manicure.
10. Get a pedicure.
11. Make one new friend.
This list is made up of things I used to enjoy but stopped doing. Stopped because I gave up on myself or felt unworthy or just got too busy to take the time to do them. I'm putting my foot down and getting off the merry-go-round because it doesn't take me anywhere I want to go. Some of these will be easy; others will take some work on my part.
The reason my list is here for anyone to see is because I need accountability or I will give up on myself. This is the beginning of my journey.
2. Buy a new bathing suit. The last one I bought was 18 years ago.
3. Run around the block I live on without having to stop.
4. Read 10 books for pleasure - not for a class or to learn or to improve something.
5. Get set free from my addiction to food.
6. Spend more time telling my husband all the things I appreciate about him - build him up.
7. Spend an entire day in my pajamas watching movies and hanging out with my kids.
8. Spend more time alone with God, listening.
9. Get a manicure.
10. Get a pedicure.
11. Make one new friend.
This list is made up of things I used to enjoy but stopped doing. Stopped because I gave up on myself or felt unworthy or just got too busy to take the time to do them. I'm putting my foot down and getting off the merry-go-round because it doesn't take me anywhere I want to go. Some of these will be easy; others will take some work on my part.
The reason my list is here for anyone to see is because I need accountability or I will give up on myself. This is the beginning of my journey.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Welcome
This is my journey to happy, joyous and free. I'm not the person I used to be but I'm not yet the person I am meant to be either. Between those two points is the journey. My desire is to please God, leave all the baggage of my past behind me and re-discover who I really am. Sometimes the journey is fun; sometimes it hurts. Like clay in the potter's hand I am evolving. Come join me on the path to discovery............
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