I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name. Isaiah 45:3.

God calls me by name. Me. Lori. The creator of the universe took the time to learn my name. To touch my life, my heart. To rescue me from the wrong path that I had chosen. To give me a new beginning. I am HIS treasure. Even on those days I don't feel worthy of being anyone's treasure. Where I see ashes - he sees beauty. Where I see failure - He sees a new beginning. Where I see hurt, pain and rejection - he sees healing.

He has treasures stored for me. Gifts tucked away just for me. As I travel this road and learn who I am and who HE is..........there are gifts along the way. These are treasures he has tucked away just for me. Treasures to be opened and cherished and tucked away inside my heart and then pulled out again and admired.

I wish I could show the world the heart I used to have - full of holes, dirty, thrown away. It looked like one of the rags that disappears out in the garage with my husband never to be allowed back in the house. My old heart had so many holes in it that the wind could just blow through it. I was empty.

Then I would show them the heart I have today. A thing of beauty. There are still some spots here and there, a blemish or two but I know he'll take care of those too. I just have to continue to seek his presence. Look to him to lead me. Follow his example. Do the work he has set in front of me. I need to continue to work on me....HE has promised to make me over in HIS image if I do.

I'm ready. I'm on the diving board. Ready to change and be changed. I know He will catch me. That doesn't make it any less scary when your out there at the edge of the diving board alone. And alone is how you need to stand there.

I'm ready to begin this treasure hunt. I'm ready to discovery the one who made me. Ready to go deeper in His love. Ready to be consumed by His fire.

Face to Face with Me

I am not the person I want to be. I can still be very judgmental & sometimes I have the meanest thoughts pass through my head about other people. I fall into these "depressions" where I am just overwhelmed with a lot of self-hatred. I know that God has better than this for me. Some days I just can't find my way out. I know where to go for my answers yet when these days come I feel like I'm adrift in a small raft in a very big sea and I can't even do those things I know will help - like pick up my Bible or call someone and share the junk I'm hiding inside of me.

Maybe that's the problem - maybe I'm still too worried about what someone will think if I get real about the stuff in my head (and sometimes my heart). This is what I do know - I'd rather get real about it here on earth and have someone think a little less of me than wait until I stand before God and have to account for it then.

Time to expand my accountability list I guess. That's the first step....admit it. I have a problem. I can't handle it alone. I want to change & I know the source of every change I have ever made in my life. God almighty. Only He has the power to deliver me from this. Thus begins the journey of letting Him.......

11 Things I used to Do that I want to do again.

1. Go for walks in the woods and just enjoy the beauty all around me.
2. Buy a new bathing suit. The last one I bought was 18 years ago.
3. Run around the block I live on without having to stop.
4. Read 10 books for pleasure - not for a class or to learn or to improve something.
5. Get set free from my addiction to food.
6. Spend more time telling my husband all the things I appreciate about him - build him up.
7. Spend an entire day in my pajamas watching movies and hanging out with my kids.
8. Spend more time alone with God, listening.
9. Get a manicure.
10. Get a pedicure.
11. Make one new friend.

This list is made up of things I used to enjoy but stopped doing. Stopped because I gave up on myself or felt unworthy or just got too busy to take the time to do them. I'm putting my foot down and getting off the merry-go-round because it doesn't take me anywhere I want to go. Some of these will be easy; others will take some work on my part.

The reason my list is here for anyone to see is because I need accountability or I will give up on myself. This is the beginning of my journey.

Welcome

This is my journey to happy, joyous and free. I'm not the person I used to be but I'm not yet the person I am meant to be either. Between those two points is the journey. My desire is to please God, leave all the baggage of my past behind me and re-discover who I really am. Sometimes the journey is fun; sometimes it hurts. Like clay in the potter's hand I am evolving. Come join me on the path to discovery............