I am not the person I want to be. I can still be very judgmental & sometimes I have the meanest thoughts pass through my head about other people. I fall into these "depressions" where I am just overwhelmed with a lot of self-hatred. I know that God has better than this for me. Some days I just can't find my way out. I know where to go for my answers yet when these days come I feel like I'm adrift in a small raft in a very big sea and I can't even do those things I know will help - like pick up my Bible or call someone and share the junk I'm hiding inside of me.
Maybe that's the problem - maybe I'm still too worried about what someone will think if I get real about the stuff in my head (and sometimes my heart). This is what I do know - I'd rather get real about it here on earth and have someone think a little less of me than wait until I stand before God and have to account for it then.
Time to expand my accountability list I guess. That's the first step....admit it. I have a problem. I can't handle it alone. I want to change & I know the source of every change I have ever made in my life. God almighty. Only He has the power to deliver me from this. Thus begins the journey of letting Him.......
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