Nehemiah 6:9 - For they all were trying to make us afraid saying "Their hands will be weakened and it will not be done". Now therefore O God strengthen my hands.
Fear is a funny thing. Sometimes it seems that we have no control over it. There are just some things we are afraid of. Take me, for example, I am terrified of snakes. Why? Because when I was a kid my brothers chased me around the house with one and then hid and when I ran around the corner of the house they threw it at me and it wrapped itself around my neck. Now I was in no danger. It was just a big ol garden snake (okay it's big in my mind but it was probably tiny) & it was probably way more afraid of me than I was of it. But ever since that day when I see a snake I lose my breath. Literally. I feel like I can't breathe. I can't move. I just freeze up. In all honesty it has gotten better so that last year when I was hiking I actually got close enough to one to take its picture. But I was poised to run if I had to.
But doesn't this verse in Nehemiah give a perfect illustration of the intent of fear? Fear purposes to stop us from what we are doing - from building that wall - our hands from working. It's intent is to stop us in our tracks - to keep us from moving forward.
I've learned a lot about fear in my lifetime. It's the one of the first emotions I remember feeling. If fear is a feeling........ I covered up my fear by escaping into other worlds. At first with barbies and books and later on with alcohol, drugs, unhealthy relationships, work, food..........the list goes on and on and on. I covered up my fear with anger and rage. I hid it well. Until one day for no particular reason I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. I was watching a hole open up in front of me in the middle of my living room floor and I knew if I fell into that hole I would never find my way out again. No I wasn't having a nightmare. I wasn't having a bad drug experience. I was stone cold sober. I was happily married. I had three wonderful children. No life wasn't always easy but it was good.
So where did this fear come from? I didn't know. I tried to figure it out. Boy did I try! I spent a long time trying to get to the bottom of my fear. Until I just couldn't anymore. Until I realized the more I focused on my fear the bigger, the stronger it became. If I took my eyes off my fear and focused on God and what he could do my fear got smaller and smaller. Until I realized I didn't need to know what caused my fear but I did need to know who my God is.
Later on at verse 13 it says "For this reason he was hired, that I should be afraid and act that way and sin that they might have cause for an evil report that they might reproach me".
Isn't that also a truth about fear? It desperately wants to get us to stop the work we were called to do. If the very presence of fear in our lives won't get us to stop our work - then another tactic is to try to get fear to lead us into sin. After all if fear itself won't stop us.......guilt and shame might.
I don't know when my fear began to fade away but I think it happened right around the time I decided that nothing was going to stop me from chasing after God. No fear. No person. No place. No thing. No emotion. If I had to take every step God asked of me afraid that's what I was going to do. DO IT AFRAID would be my new motto. I think it had something to do with coming to an understanding that God had conquered fear. Living in fear was my choice. I could claim God's promises over my life and be set free.
Nehemiah's answer to fear was "Strengthen my hands O Lord". That's the clue. We just keep on showing up and doing what's in front of us to be done. That's all courageous people do. Courageous people are just ordinary people who do what needs to be done in the face of very difficult circumstances. Want to see the face of courage? Look at Jesus.
Do I still experience fear? Yes I do. But today I choose to not let it cripple me; not let it stop my work. I just do it afraid. & I keep on doing. I don't do anything. I make a decision to not live in fear today and God does the rest. Its a beautiful thing!
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